[This entry has been edited ever so slightly for spoilers for The Books of Unexpected Enlightenment.] If you wish to start at the beginning, it is here.
Dear Diary,
Today, I traded my hand in marriage for the freedom of my family, or people claiming to be my family, at least. I had no real desire to get married. I am young and always thought of myself as a bride to the flame. Kind of like a nun of fire, but instead of wearing a habit, I have a nice wardrobe.
Yet, there was this guy, Loki, who could possibly be my father, being tortured, for a crime he may or may not have committed, and a lady, Sinmara, who may or may not be my mother, trying to ease his suffering, both in eternal torment before my very eyes. Black Hawk delivered a stirring speech about something stirring that struck a personal chord with me about something I can not remember before my very ears, but it was so impressive and helped me become the person I am today. It was in that moment, that I realized, that there are things in this world bigger than me, and as one of the 12 of Black Hawk, I had to do something!
So, I decided I would marry Oysteriel, after he satisfied one condition, save my family.
First, he had to bestow jewelry upon me that was fitting for an engagement. Clearly, covering me in his magnificent pearls and nothing less would be satisfactory. It would have been unfitting for me to wear jewelry that was outdone by my husband.
Second, he had to rescue my mother and father from their eternal torment, freeing them from their prison. Without this, the entire point of me giving myself in marriage for the rescue of my parents would be pointless.
Third, he had to ask my father for and receive his permission to marry me. No self-respecting girl, who is throwing herself at the mercy of a giant supernatural oyster, can do so without her father’s permission. No self-respecting oyster would marry a girl without first seeking her father’s permission, too. I also added a subclause to this condition that the permission could not be obtained through possession, trickery, or other dubious means, or the permission is rendered null and void.
Fourth, he had to help Black Hawk ascend the throne and become Emperor. After all, he couldn’t really satisfy the fifth condition of my requirement until Black Hawk was emperor. Maybe, this is more of a subclause, but since I am not a lawyer nor am I versed in giving myself in marriage to a dashing oyster hero, I thought it best as a stand-alone item.
Fifth, he had to ask and receive permission from Emperor Black Hawk for my hand in marriage. As one Black Hawk’s 12, it is only proper that he approve of my marriage also.
After I told Oysteriel I accept with my one condition, he gave some sort of cryptic angel response, and then he clammed up. I know he was just being shy and is an oyster of few words. He is the quiet strong type!
What I did not expect was for a cute little demon fox to also come by and propose to marry me. So what is a girl to do when she has multiple suitors? She makes winning her hand in marriage a contest. The first to satisfy all 5 parts of my 1 condition will be awarded my hand in marriage.
I had to modify the first condition, of course, because not everybody who now wants to vie for my hand is Oysteriel. In that light, I made condition 1 that I am given The Pearl of Oysteriel and covered in his pearls head to toe.
The cute little evil demon fox who lusted after my mortal hand in marriage agreed! He wouldn’t tell me his real name and said to call him Fox. I am sure he is trustworthy and has nothing but the best of intentions.
I think the Fox, Oyster, Black Hawk, Ichigo, and Trilby had a conversation about philosophy or something, too, but I was distracted thinking about what I wanted my wedding dress to look like. I think something simple and elegant would be nice.
While I was working out the details of the quest to win the hand of the beautiful princess, Ichigo was questioning all the ghosts who had died trying to free Loki, steal Sinmara, or had really bad luck and stumbled into the cursed valley of death that the two criminals that may be my parents were being held.
Ichigo was able to work out the details of the many and various forms of death that would confront us, and with Trillby’s abilities to read minds and remember anything, but the shortest route in Shimmerbolt, was able to put together enough information for Captain Emperor Black Hawk to devise a plan.
Black Hawk also learned from the demon fox that the cord that bound Loki, Gleipnir, could be undone by the command of Black Hawk himself. if he was to be taken to the proper place to issue the command. The Fox also knew the location to carry Black Hawk to undo the chain.
The first thing we needed though was some mistletoe, otherwise, we would die if we crossed some invisible line of death. Black Hawk sent the demon fox off to find some mistletoe, who was more than happy to prove his worthiness for my hand in marriage.
[Paragraph removed due to spoilers. ]
Black Hawk had the Guardian, Oysteriel, one of my many suitors, change the laws of nature of the world so that some of the deadly things would not hurt him.
Once the Fox was back, Black Haw enacted his plan. He had the Fox carry him to the spot to command Gleipnir to release Loki. Black Hawk gave an impressive speech and commanded Gleipnir to release Loki, and he was so impressive that a cord made of six impossible things— the sound of a cat’s footfall; the beard of a woman; the roots of a mountain; the sinews of a bear; the breath of a fish; and the spittle of a bird—obeyed!
A giant black demon vulture, who was not Vulturiel, moved so fast that it would have killed Black Hawk before we could even scream out a warning, came swooping down from the sky. The Fox, who could, in fact, yell something out before the vulture demon, who was not Vulturiel, killed Black Hawk, yelled, “Waldo.”
All of this was happening so fast that our mortal brains could not really perceive or react but, in some sort of strange way, formed a tableau that we were all able to grok, causing us all to be somewhat confused and puzzled over the Fox yelling out Waldo in the moments before Black Hawk was to become vulture food. Still stunned in confusion during the moment of time that was so fast we could not perceive nor act, a giant ferret* appeared. The human brain can only withstand so much before breaking; but, luckily, none of us are humans, and we were able to grok, in a second tableau, during this moment of time that was so fast that we could not act or perceive action, the giant ferret wrestling and fighting with the demon vulture, who was not Vulturiel, thus sparing Black Hawk.
[*- it was a weasel. ]
Black Hawk ordered the Fox to carry him, Loki, and Sinmara as quick as a demon fox can to his glass to the war world of Titan, inside his carpet bag.
Black Hawk, Sinmara, and Loki all jumped through the gate to Titan, with the rest of us quickly behind.
Black Hawk’s war world Titan was very impressive. It was all kinds of impressiveness that defies description impressive. We appeared in a courtyardm and all about us was a old Russian-style city made of some sort of crystal that I had never seen before and gold. In the sky, Saturn loomed large with its impressive rings. There were impressive floating mountains and a super impressive giant Titan moon deathstar laser!
The demon vulture tried to attack Titan to retrieve Loki, but Titan was too impressive, with its own guardian, the warding stone, and a couple other supernatural creatures who helped out, like Waldo and some giant cat angel girl that is also [spoilers], for the demon to prevail. Go figure a cat is the [spoilers].
Anyway, there was a fierce battle in the heavens, or so I was told, and then we were told it was safe.
The Fox showed up carrying the carpet bag for Black Hawk after a bit, too.
Hopefully, the disguise held, and pretty valkyrie think Loki was freed by a bunch of ducks.
Once the battle of the heavens was declared over, Black Hawk made an impressive speech about freedom and declared a holiday of feasting and resting.
The feast and time to rest was really nice because it gave me time to talk to my family and learn that I am from the Hidden City. In fact, I have some land in the Hidden City that is mine. I also found out that I am 1000-years-old, using the standard Loki-torture calendar. My parents gave me 1000 birthday presents because they felt so bad about missing them all after Grandfater Iapetus, ruler of the hidden city, accidentally dropped me over the wall or something, and a strange wind blew out of the darkness and carried me away.
My dad, it turns out, is the rightful owner of the Star Stone, and he transferred rightful ownership to me as one of my presents. My mom gave me her necklace, which looks like it has a star as the gem. It is so pretty.
It also turns out,t not only Oysteriel and the Fox are interested in my hand in marriage. I think my entire party, with the exception of Trilby, of course, are interested! I should not be surprised though, as completing a quest to win the hand of a princess is certainly common in stories. Black Hawk may have the inside track, since everybody has to ask him permission, but I am not sure it is wise for him to want to marry me, since I am one of his 12. Duck made a strong argument in his case, but I hope my dad doesn’t approve of a duck as my husband. Avian-mammal marriages really never work out. Ichigo is like Oysterial and claiming he is not interested, but I know everybody secretly loves me and would like to marry me.
For now the lack of need to rescue my parents limits any future suitors, but I suppose if they get captured again, there could be even more. I sure hope people don’t go and capture my parents just so they can rescue them to be included in the list. I really didn’t think about that possibility when I first made up my condition.
[Also spoilers.]
Wonder if anybody had the forethought to grab Gleipnir on the way out.
Any way, the Fox is going to be my dinner date for the evening, so I need to go prepare to make sure I look pretty!
Love,
Effie
XP awarded: 10xp each
Bonus xp for my journal 1
Next Week: Gypsie Princess Effie's Diary: Entry Seventeen — the Quest for the Holy Grail