How Now, Land Whale?

A reader asked:

If you're going to weigh in on female psych how about a piece on why they're so insanely picky about who they date now? The whole 6 6 6 thing? From women who aren't so attractive?
A piece on why land whales think they're attractive wouldn't be bad actually.

First, anything that encourages women to devote themselves to the Number of the Beast is, at the very least, questionable…

I had to look up 6 6 6 in dating. Apparently, it is the idea that a woman won’t date anyone who is not: six foot tall, has a six-figure income, and has a six-pack (stomach, not a case of beer in the car.)

So we have two questions here:
Why are women so picky?
Why do fat women think they are pretty?

I am going to tackle the second question first.

When I was young, I used to read stories in which, occasionally, a fat girl would flirt with someone, batting her eyelashes as if she was attractive. This was always portrayed as the most uncomfortable and cringe-worthy of things. I am ashamed to admit that this kind of portrayal gave me rather a dislike of people who were overweight. I thought they were lazy and ridiculous.

Sometimes, I wonder if God let me put on weight in order to learn how wrong I was. While I do wish that I fit in my clothing better and that I could get to my feet with less struggle, I am very grateful to now see firsthand that we are all the beloved Children of God and that being fat or slim does not change this.

But it allows me to share with you a secret that you might not know.

Fat women have just as much chance of thinking they are attractive as thin ones—because feeling attractive has nothing to do with what you look like.

If this seems like a strange idea, you only need to read or watch an interview with a beautiful woman and see how insecure nearly all of them say they are to see that looking beautiful on the outside doesn’t help a woman feel beautiful.

Well, it goes the other way, too.

Being unattractive on the outside doesn’t make a woman feel unattractive. The feeling of being alluring is something that comes from within, and it is not constrained to align itself with reality.

So it is not necessarily the case that a woman will stop thinking of herself as desirable just because she is no longer svelte.

The other reason is one that ties into our first question.

Some time ago, I read an article on the internet…or maybe it was a series of tweets. I cannot recall who wrote it, but I remember it was someone I seldom read. I think it might have been Stefan Molyneux. I looked briefly, but I was not able to find it again. (If anyone recognizes what I am about to say below and knows where it is, let me know, and I will put the link here.)

I don’t know anything about Mr. Molyneux, really, but this one thing I read was absolutely brilliant. It went something like this:

Men want beautiful women.

Women like handsome men

The beautiful women and the handsome men get snapped up first.

This leaves the less-than-beautiful women and the less-than-handsome men.

In the old days, men who weren’t handsome would try to better themselves by becoming rich. They would work hard to be successful, to be able to provide the woman with a nice house and family.

This would make him more attractive to women and increase the likelihood of him getting a wife.

Women who were not drop-dead gorgeous would try to improve themselves as well. In the old days, this meant that they would work on their personality and/or their housemaking skills.

Maybe she isn’t a 10, but she is really sweet and devoted, or she is a wonderful cook. These qualities could often win a woman a husband, even if she was not all that much to look at.

But all this has broken down because…there’s a new husband in town.

Women want the biggest, richest husband they can find who can give them the good life. Well, folks, today, there’s a husband who can provide for these women so well, that they don’t need to do anything.

That’s right. Marry this husband, and you can laze around all day long, doing absolutely nothing.

This husband is…Uncle Sam.

Try to win a husband by working hard requires hard work. But to win Uncle Sam as your hubby, all you have to do is: turn yourself into a victim.

The fatter, the sloppier, the more nose rings or half-shaved heads, the less able, the more helpless you are, the more likely Uncle Sam will pick you as his bride, er…welfare recipient.

To such people, looking unattractive is a feature, not a bug.

All those women who look so unappealing but act as if they are desirable…well, they are desirable to Uncle Sam, from their point of view.

From their point of view, every man out there is in competition with Uncle Sam.

So why should they work hard? Why should they try to improve their personality or learn new skills, when big hubby Uncle Sam will take them as they are—and all they have to do is whine and complain a bit, proving themselves a victim.

This is the gist of the article I remember.

This article struck me because I think it has a lot of truth to it. And I think it feeds back into our reader’s questions.

Why do women want to date only the beast, er…best?

Because they can afford to be extremely picky.

I am reminded of a story about seals and salmon. In the interest of having more salmon survive, some steps were taken to help increase the number of salmon. And what happened was that more seals showed up to eat them.

Ordinarly, seals eat the whole salmon, but now there were so many salmon that they began just eating the tasty bellies, where the roe is, and throwing the rest of the salmon aside.

Women today, who can afford—between modern appliances and all the social services available—to live and even raise a family on their own, can afford to be picky.

They can afford to only eat the tastiest of the…wait. Mixed metaphor. Abort.

They can afford to only date the men who have everything they might ideally desire …and they are not forced to improve themselves if they can’t get what they want the first time.

So, to a degree, the more undesirable they are, the more picky they can afford to be, because the more likely that they can pick Uncle Sam instead.

So, there you are.

Svelte supermodel or shaved-head, nosed-ringed woman so overweight that she puts whales to shame…if you can catch the best husband out there—the one who can provide for your every desire—why wouldn’t you feel attractive?

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: (Ecclesiastes 3:11 to : )

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